My failings

Hi Everyone,

This is going to be a very difficult post to write and its coming after I have had a really long day.


Over the years, multiple of my friends have told me what my bad qualities are and somehow most of them have a common thread - lots of my friends feel I am judgemental, nit-picky and sometimes tend to get focussed on very minor unimportant issues. I also get very argumentative and usually in the arguments come across as having a lack of respect for the other persons point of view - a common thing I get from others is that it is very difficult to convince me to see an alternate point of view when I have set my mind on something. This really worries me.

I feel today I'm at a stage of my life where I have achieved certain things - a fair deal of success in my personal and professional life, some good friends etc. I feel these habits are very dangerous and if I look back on the past ten years of my life they have probably cost me the friendship of many close friends and to have parted ways with business partners and to not be on talking terms with some ex-employees.
I know some of you might feel I am making a mountain out of a molehill but it's actually true - I do. To give you an example there are people who have probably borrowed money from me - 1000 Indian rupees and I for a long time categorized them as thieves and cheats. For such minor issues I have ended up being petty and spoiling my relationship with perfectly nice people who I would love to still hang out with.

I need to let go and relax. To forgive and forget. And to see things in shades of Grey instead of black or white. Why does this have to be so difficult? Why do I expect everyone else to be super passionate about their work and super committed and super hard working? Why do I set these high standards for myself and then keeping missing my own deadlines and keep scrambling for air? These are unfortunately some of my character flaws and I battle with them on a daily basis. These flaws end up hurting me as I end up disturbing my relationships with those near and dear to me and making me feel lonely.

So here's what I will try and do:
* set lower standards for myself and those around me
* as opposed to demanding that people show me the passion and expecting them to keep giving, I'll try and be giving in creating a nurturing environment for them
* I'll try and not think in black and white and slow down and think before I speak so I speak in Grey.
* will go out of my way to help people achieve the goals I have set for them.
* will try and not be strongly opinionated in general.

Sorry people for the long winded post but these character flaws disturb me and I want to work on then before I end up hurting anyone close to me. So next time you see me being judgmental or unnecessarily opinionated, point that out to me. You will be doing me a favor. Cheers,